getting ready

I am going to the Middle East on Friday. It is fun to write words like that in a blase manner, I must say! Because really, it is an amazing thing to just pick up one day and go off to Egypt and Jordan, which is what I am going to do on Friday.

I just got off the phone with a friend from Jordan who I was calling to make sure she had gotten my email, would be there, and that I could stay with her. Jordanians, lovely people, tend to be short on communications of this type. I was fairly sure I am going to be fine, and will have a surfeit of places to stay, but then again you never can tell these things. She tells me that there is no reason whatsoever to stay in Amman and come up the day after, so I suppose I'll save myself the trouble and money and do it that way. She gave me directions *laugh* which I remember, although boy! I can tell I have not been speaking arabic, because when she went off in a hurry, I was lost. But it will come back to me. Maybe I'll manage after all to listen to those CDs I got to refresh my memory. Maybe I'll go buy a CD player so I can take them with me.

It is cold today, and all week--bitter, icy cold, but no snow. Cold enough to not want to go outside at all if possible, forever. It is nice to have a cat to curl up with. Which reminds me, great news, he is off insulin!! My poor kitty has been very unhappily getting two injections per day, but the vet has pronounced him able to go off insulin as long as he stays on the special food. That is a relief.

So check back; I am going to post here whenever I get the chance from overseas. I am sure the first time will be from a fancy 1st class lounge in some airport. My father keeps reminding me that I am to use them.

low battery, got to go.

male minds--or, rather, one male mind

Excuse me while I bitch for a few moments.

I am obviously unable to comprehend some male minds. I never thought this of myself, seeing as I have many close male friends, but it appears to be true. Why would a heterosexual man, best friend and confidant, apparently uninterested in a romantic relationship, make a point of kissing the female friend, on the mouth, every night? Just once. A peck type kiss. I would be perfectly happy with the hug, and hell of less perturbed. Maybe it means nothing. It must mean nothing, since it goes no further, and one might say he's not the touchy-feely type. Even though this action seems completely out of character for this male person, given the background. *shakes head, rolls eyes*

I can't believe it is Sunday. Since I joined the Search (for a new minister) Committee at church, which is a year long commitment, and we decided to meet on Sunday morning prior to Church, weekends have not felt like weekends. I mean, the Search Committee stuff is work! Interesting, even fun, but still work, and a regular commitment on sunday. Today we ran the service for the church, which actually went very well in spite of the rather dry subject matter (the search process and timeline). However, enough people walked up to me and said it was a good service, so it must have been--you know, validation through popular acclaim.

By the by, I make the best pudding. It is so easy! You, too, can have the best pudding! I don't know why anyone uses the boxed stuff. The new Joy of Cooking has these very simple, luscious puddings with cornstarch which take about 10 minutes to make. Chocolately! Vanilla-y! Yummy!

The school year is about to start, and since my worklife rather focuses around the school year, it seems like the new year, instead of January which is midway. So, here are my resolutions:
1) make art every week (set aside a planned time and don't let anything disturb it, even travelling!). I am thinking like two hours on Monday night, or something like that.
2) Cook my own dinners, and lunches, more frequently--based on last year, twice a week would be more frequent, but I'd like to aim for 5/week.
3) Walk every day, or ride my bike more than just to work and back. Or swim. Something. exercise regularly, that's my point.
4) write every day. go back to the evening journal, and the morning pages. try writing poetry again.

(I know you are supposed to do these things in 3s, but I prefer 4s) I keep making these resolutions, keeping them for awhile, and then breaking them. I'm trying to get my male friend, the confusing one, to do something similar so we can keep each other in line. At least 1 and 2.

Friday evening at the hospital

My mom is here visiting and this afternoon, she was in a lot of pain from her leg. We ended up in an emergency room for an ultrasound (as the Dr pointed out, this is Cheyenne and nothing is open). Turns out that everything is fine, alhumdulilah, and she probably has a torn hamstring. Heck of a way to spend one's Friday evening.

Since then, I have been powerpointing until bleary, and trying not to annoy the cat, who thinks he should sleep on the keyboard, and mouse, of the computer. Maybe I'll be more awake tomorrow.

feet

I just finished rereading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, a book I recommend to anyone. This is the third time I have read it and I still had a hard time putting it down. One thing that rang true this time is his grief about losing his feet. While I am in no danger of that happening, sometimes it feels like I have nothing but problems with them. Yesterday something took place in my right foot which makes me feel like maybe I sprained it or something. However, pain is inconsistent and not necessarily from walking--more from twisting. I can't explain it, suffice it to say it is annoying. My other heel is hurting, probably from bad shoes and going barefoot on cement too much. I am sure this will all pass.

tea of tranquility

That's the name of the Baskin Robbins ice cream I ate this evening. It should have been better than it was. Chai flavored, with cinnamon and ginger snaps (which were mushy, but very gingery), ice cream. Sounds good, doesn't it? But it was just, I dunno, odd. Maybe it was because the ginger snaps weren't snappy enough. The chocolate almond tasted like the almonds weren't roasted, as they were supposed to be, and it wasn't chocolatey enough to bother with eating. I'm told I'm too picky, but I DON'T CARE. Oh, and the waffle cone wasn't the freshest. I mean, really, they are the only ice cream gig in town, so you would think they could do a decent job.

I know that blogging is just not really my thing. Except, I think it should be. I just can't seem to decide on a time to keep this up. Of course, I feel like I have lived in a whirlwind most of the last year. Anyway, we have an extra computer at work which I am going to start keeping at home, so if I can get it connected to the internet, then I will try to blog more regularly. Or maybe I'll try to do it on break at work, not that I ever take breaks. Break is getting a drink of water, and besides, who wants to hear about work all the time?

My cat is being very cute and cuddly this evening. I think I don't sit down enough for him. The poor guy hasn't been feeling very well for the last few months (I am a bad cat owner). He had this deep, hacking cough so I finally took him to the vet, who says it is asthma. So she puts him on a steroid which doesn't really work, and, to boot, has now tipped him into having diabetes, so now I have to give him insulin, but hopefully only for awhile. Theoretically until I have to start traveling again in September. Which, eek, reminds me that he has to have medicine while I am gone to Lovell for the Board meeting next week. Argh! He also has an inhaler (try explaining that to a cat), which has this special applicator thing that you put over his nose so he breathes it in. Poor guy, he's been very patient and easy going about all of this, although he was annoyed to be dragged to the vet's twice in one week.

What else have I been doing? Working like crazy. WE have this great intern right now who we are working to death and who is a fabulous organizer so we are taking full advantage. Unfortunately, I have her doing things which, well, she needs help with, and so, um, I am getting very little of my work done, although this stuff is really no one's job. Except for the receptionist, who doesn't like it. Or something.

Wow. A burmese python (did you know these can get up to 200 pounds?) ate an electric blanket and needed surgery. Scary stuff. They also had interesting articles about alligators and pythons fighting in the Everglades. Apparently they're about matched. A python tried to digest an alligator (they eat their prey whole) and bust its gut; but another alligator carried a python around for a day in its mouth and wasn't able to kill it. I read this at National Geographic. Freaky. I wouldn't like to meet one of those anywhere, never mind a dark alley. Apparently the one, which is a pet, had the electric blanket to help it stay warm, because it lives in Idaho, is from Asia and produces no body heat of its own. Why have a 60 pound snake for a pet? It isn't even cuddly, like my cat.

back aches

Yesterday I was packing to go to Green River, and then Lander, and I was only partially bent over, and then when I stood up, I think a muscle in my back seized up. It was hard to stand up straight yesterday, but nothing like the spasm I had 3 years ago, thank heavens! It is much better today, but definitely lingering. I did some stretches, and soaked in a hot tub, and went for a walk. Maybe tomorrow will be even better.

Had a fun afternoon chatting with an artist friend of mine today. She does raku, and mixed media, and paints silk, among other things. It always feels good to spend some time with a woman friend. We spent quite some time discussing online matching services which was interesting. She's on eharmony and I was for quite awhile, so we exchanged impressions and experiences.

I don't really have a topic for this post.

tiredness, and an encounter

I didn't get enough sleep friday thursday night and then I had to wake up too fast on Friday. I used to be expert at getting out of bed and somewhere in 10 minutes flat and feel fine; I made it, but I felt wierd all day. It was like my body never really woke up and was just reluctant about the whole day. I felt clumsy and it seemed like every movement was a challenge. There is also the sense of being shaky--like nothing is quite stable.

Later I caught another wind (where does this wierd phrase come from?) and stayed up late last night, and had to get up early this morning, too. I wasn't tired, and I had time to wake up, but then about 2 I got really tired so I fell into a very deep sleep for 2 hours in Rawlins at the WYDOT site. I make a habit of napping if I get really sleepy while driving, but it isn't the most comfortable thing to sleep in a car. I had to jerk myself awake and get on the road to get home and I felt shaky the rest of the day. I did have a fabulous dinner at Jeffreys with some dreamy stuff called Framboise Lambic Ale. This is a beer which is a beautiful deep red color and an astonishing raspberry flavor. I had it for dessert along with one of their fabulous tortes (their baker is amazing).

Last night as I was working on the IRS application for Friends of Jordan, LJ messaged me. I hadn't talked to him in quite some time, possibly 6 months or so. I met him online about 2 years ago and we've seen each other exactly 3 times, although we've talked a lot. This is a true relationship of convenience, and it is rarely convenient to get together and have sex with someone in Loveland without some planning! Our schedules are usually incompatible. Anyway, he is also very good on the phone, so we had some fun, which is part of why I didn't get enough sleep last night. We seem to meld well sexually, which is fun but not terribly satisfying considering how infrequently it takes place.

My friend Alala has a song of the day; I prefer to try to read a poem every day. Music is sometimes just too much stimulus for me. That started while I was overseas in Jordan when I'd come home so tired from speaking Arabic all day that I just couldn't stand anything but silence. I still love silence. That said, a new favorite singer of mine is James Blunt, introduced to me by MK. The poet of the day is David Romtvedt, poet laureate of Wyoming. You can find reviews of his several books of poetry and essays by putting his name into google. The newest is Some Church, just published by Milkweed Press.

Terry Tempest Williams

I had the great good fortune to meet Terry Tempest Williams today. For those uninitiated, she is a Utah educator and writer who has just moved to Jackson, WY, with her husband, who is the new director of The Murie Center. I have read three of her books now--An Unspoken Hunger, Refuge, and The Open Space of Democracy. Her writing is lyrical, intelligent, and full of the natural world. She is an advocate of people, freedom and the earth.

She came to talk to the Wyoming Leadership Associates Program about democracy and education. This is a dicussion group about the relationship of democracy and education and we read her book, The Open Space of Democracy as one of the discussion spurs.

snowy night

I happen to be in Laramie tonight. I'm actually here for a few hours every day for four days in a row. As my boss said, they didn't set this up for Cheyenne people! Laramie's a nice place, usually, and has a lot of interesting people. Tonight there is piles of snow--I think we got 6 inches or so. The roads are icy, very icy, so going home tonight is not an option. No unnecessary travel, or closed. Apparently Cheyenne got dumped on after I left about 5.

So...it's been awhile. My good friend Alala has been gently reminding me that I have a blog, and she likes it. Which is very nice of her, since it has all of 6 posts, or some such. I don't have a computer at home, and doing this at work seems wrong. Although I do other things at work which I likely shouldn't.

Last night the sink clogged up. Of course, we were having an Guinness Appreciation Party at my house (my roommate's party, really), and by the time everyone got there, I was ready for them to be gone already. The atmosphere was tense--my roommate was unhappy with how her Irish stew was turning out, and I was annoyed because I had to make the soda bread a second time. I left the first one in the oven at least 20 minutes too long, and even though it was edible, I wasn't happy about it, so I made another. Much tastier. I recommend soda bread, and it is easy to make. Anyway, so just after people started coming, the kitchen sink decided to clog. MERCY! Does it always have to happen at just the right moment? It took more than two hours to clear it out, and I was Not Having Fun in spite of my good fortune to have Mr Confusing present and several other helpful people. He plunged and plunged, and then we tried vinigar and baking soda, and then went to the store for the nasty stuff. That finally worked.

The party was fun though. Good food, great people, lots of laughter. I just wasn't into it as much as I might have been. The guinness was good too.

confusing relationships

Usually I am pretty good at understanding relationships and getting people. But I am currently involved in one which confuses me often. Part of it is the pressure of what other people assume--we are assumed by those who don't know to be a couple, and sometimes treated as one. We even function that way to an extent. We are very close. We love each other--I think I might be in love, too,--and we spend a lot of time together. We are friends though. Nothing more, nothing less. I think the thing that promotes my confusion the most is not the assumptions people make, but rather one small action on his part. I am used to a lot of physical intimacy with my close friends, including male ones. What I am not used to is kissing, even pecks, on the mouth. There's basically two men--besides this one--who do that currently and my relationships with them are very clear. Non-sexual, non-attracted, long-standing, family relationship. With this one though, he seems to be delibrately kissing me at the end of the day. He is making that happen, not me. I have been kind of letting it ride for awhile, waiting to see what it might mean, or not mean, but now I am feeling like that isn't a good idea anymore.

I still have not solved the issue of when I might write in this regularly.

time

I have to figure out where to make a little time for this...other than while traveling.

Houses

Tonight, I am in Rawlins WY. On the surface, Rawlins doesn't look like much and I must admit, my heart sank when we got to town and the Thai place--the only Thai restaurant in Wyoming barring those in Jackson--was closed! More on Rawlins in my other blog, Wyo Wanderer, which I have just decided to start, about traveling in Wyoming. Hm. I must like this system.

I've noted I have a marked preference for Victorian houses, or at least that type of house. Must have something to do with being raised in a Victorian seaport. I also like colonial brick, imposing houses, but only to look at from outside (I guess that comes from the 9 years in St. Louis). This is not to say I do not like my own, not-Victorian, house. House observation is something I like to do. I like to walk by and see what I like and don't like and what I'd do differently. I like to look in windows (from the street--I walk in the middle of streets whenever I can--can't see much of anything, please!), especially if the house is uninhabited. Empty houses have such potential about them.

I was looking at houses in Port Townsend. Several of my friends have built houses and they have some really good ideas. Most of these are small houses with very clever ways of using space. Also, gorgeous, simple touches. L used sea glass as handles for the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen, and pressed it into the stucco walls. A window seat that pulls out into a queen sized bed. A friend in WY has an outdoor shower--that is a treat in the summer! I also like the system of a shower without a tub or pan, just a drain in the floor. Very simple.

Finally I saw a large house on 10 acres outside of PT which is falling down. They (the people who own it) got it for a song. It needed a foundation and a roof, and that is just the beginning. Carpeting, bathroom, hideous wallpaper, no insulation, but the house has such potential. The view and the silence are to die for, too.

eHarmony, the blank slate

I'm back in Seattle now and I walked quite a way (from 21st and Union up to Broadway) for dinner, so at least I managed one of the things I am trying to make a habit of today!!

I've been a member of eHarmony for probably two years, or a bit more, at this point. It started out O.K., and was active for quite some time and then, sometime in the last year, just became a dead thing. I have nudged it firmly and it only wheezes, very unconvincingly. Maybe it is my profile, but one way or another, the men I am matched to (and it is way more people than you might think) are not interested in me. That's quite mutual, I must admit. For some reason, their matching thing seems far less discriminatory than they suggest it is. They also somehow fail to take into account upbringing and values, I think--because mine are not reflected even slightly in 99% of the matches they make for me. I really don't think it is too much to ask that I should not have to completely educate these matches and put up with the vibrations of "you are weird" because I am not like they are. I actually quit about 6 months ago, but then I got asked to communicate for the first time in probably 3 months, so I re-upped for a few months. I'm not appreciating it, though, so I think it is high time I just said no.

fog, sand and wood fires

I had forgotten what it was like to deal with wood fires all the time. I both like it and don't. Dealing with the wood is a very physical experience--from chopping it, to carrying it to putting it into the stove and adjusting it so it will burn to best advantage. I was gratified to learn I could still chop wood just fine!

It is strange being home. A different pattern, which is very comfortable in many ways, than I currently have at home. I feel more comfortable in my clothes here--they fit in more.

Being near the water is almost transcendent. It is such a presence, and I resonate with it so much. Daniel and I walked up to Memory Vault yestersday in the pouring rain, smelling the salt water, and I read the poems as the rain soaked me and puddled everywhere.

the first post

I am starting this on a whim, and shall see where it goeth...

Tonight I am in Seattle and enjoying the fog and the damp.