tiredness, and an encounter

I didn't get enough sleep friday thursday night and then I had to wake up too fast on Friday. I used to be expert at getting out of bed and somewhere in 10 minutes flat and feel fine; I made it, but I felt wierd all day. It was like my body never really woke up and was just reluctant about the whole day. I felt clumsy and it seemed like every movement was a challenge. There is also the sense of being shaky--like nothing is quite stable.

Later I caught another wind (where does this wierd phrase come from?) and stayed up late last night, and had to get up early this morning, too. I wasn't tired, and I had time to wake up, but then about 2 I got really tired so I fell into a very deep sleep for 2 hours in Rawlins at the WYDOT site. I make a habit of napping if I get really sleepy while driving, but it isn't the most comfortable thing to sleep in a car. I had to jerk myself awake and get on the road to get home and I felt shaky the rest of the day. I did have a fabulous dinner at Jeffreys with some dreamy stuff called Framboise Lambic Ale. This is a beer which is a beautiful deep red color and an astonishing raspberry flavor. I had it for dessert along with one of their fabulous tortes (their baker is amazing).

Last night as I was working on the IRS application for Friends of Jordan, LJ messaged me. I hadn't talked to him in quite some time, possibly 6 months or so. I met him online about 2 years ago and we've seen each other exactly 3 times, although we've talked a lot. This is a true relationship of convenience, and it is rarely convenient to get together and have sex with someone in Loveland without some planning! Our schedules are usually incompatible. Anyway, he is also very good on the phone, so we had some fun, which is part of why I didn't get enough sleep last night. We seem to meld well sexually, which is fun but not terribly satisfying considering how infrequently it takes place.

My friend Alala has a song of the day; I prefer to try to read a poem every day. Music is sometimes just too much stimulus for me. That started while I was overseas in Jordan when I'd come home so tired from speaking Arabic all day that I just couldn't stand anything but silence. I still love silence. That said, a new favorite singer of mine is James Blunt, introduced to me by MK. The poet of the day is David Romtvedt, poet laureate of Wyoming. You can find reviews of his several books of poetry and essays by putting his name into google. The newest is Some Church, just published by Milkweed Press.

Terry Tempest Williams

I had the great good fortune to meet Terry Tempest Williams today. For those uninitiated, she is a Utah educator and writer who has just moved to Jackson, WY, with her husband, who is the new director of The Murie Center. I have read three of her books now--An Unspoken Hunger, Refuge, and The Open Space of Democracy. Her writing is lyrical, intelligent, and full of the natural world. She is an advocate of people, freedom and the earth.

She came to talk to the Wyoming Leadership Associates Program about democracy and education. This is a dicussion group about the relationship of democracy and education and we read her book, The Open Space of Democracy as one of the discussion spurs.

snowy night

I happen to be in Laramie tonight. I'm actually here for a few hours every day for four days in a row. As my boss said, they didn't set this up for Cheyenne people! Laramie's a nice place, usually, and has a lot of interesting people. Tonight there is piles of snow--I think we got 6 inches or so. The roads are icy, very icy, so going home tonight is not an option. No unnecessary travel, or closed. Apparently Cheyenne got dumped on after I left about 5.

So...it's been awhile. My good friend Alala has been gently reminding me that I have a blog, and she likes it. Which is very nice of her, since it has all of 6 posts, or some such. I don't have a computer at home, and doing this at work seems wrong. Although I do other things at work which I likely shouldn't.

Last night the sink clogged up. Of course, we were having an Guinness Appreciation Party at my house (my roommate's party, really), and by the time everyone got there, I was ready for them to be gone already. The atmosphere was tense--my roommate was unhappy with how her Irish stew was turning out, and I was annoyed because I had to make the soda bread a second time. I left the first one in the oven at least 20 minutes too long, and even though it was edible, I wasn't happy about it, so I made another. Much tastier. I recommend soda bread, and it is easy to make. Anyway, so just after people started coming, the kitchen sink decided to clog. MERCY! Does it always have to happen at just the right moment? It took more than two hours to clear it out, and I was Not Having Fun in spite of my good fortune to have Mr Confusing present and several other helpful people. He plunged and plunged, and then we tried vinigar and baking soda, and then went to the store for the nasty stuff. That finally worked.

The party was fun though. Good food, great people, lots of laughter. I just wasn't into it as much as I might have been. The guinness was good too.

confusing relationships

Usually I am pretty good at understanding relationships and getting people. But I am currently involved in one which confuses me often. Part of it is the pressure of what other people assume--we are assumed by those who don't know to be a couple, and sometimes treated as one. We even function that way to an extent. We are very close. We love each other--I think I might be in love, too,--and we spend a lot of time together. We are friends though. Nothing more, nothing less. I think the thing that promotes my confusion the most is not the assumptions people make, but rather one small action on his part. I am used to a lot of physical intimacy with my close friends, including male ones. What I am not used to is kissing, even pecks, on the mouth. There's basically two men--besides this one--who do that currently and my relationships with them are very clear. Non-sexual, non-attracted, long-standing, family relationship. With this one though, he seems to be delibrately kissing me at the end of the day. He is making that happen, not me. I have been kind of letting it ride for awhile, waiting to see what it might mean, or not mean, but now I am feeling like that isn't a good idea anymore.

I still have not solved the issue of when I might write in this regularly.

time

I have to figure out where to make a little time for this...other than while traveling.

Houses

Tonight, I am in Rawlins WY. On the surface, Rawlins doesn't look like much and I must admit, my heart sank when we got to town and the Thai place--the only Thai restaurant in Wyoming barring those in Jackson--was closed! More on Rawlins in my other blog, Wyo Wanderer, which I have just decided to start, about traveling in Wyoming. Hm. I must like this system.

I've noted I have a marked preference for Victorian houses, or at least that type of house. Must have something to do with being raised in a Victorian seaport. I also like colonial brick, imposing houses, but only to look at from outside (I guess that comes from the 9 years in St. Louis). This is not to say I do not like my own, not-Victorian, house. House observation is something I like to do. I like to walk by and see what I like and don't like and what I'd do differently. I like to look in windows (from the street--I walk in the middle of streets whenever I can--can't see much of anything, please!), especially if the house is uninhabited. Empty houses have such potential about them.

I was looking at houses in Port Townsend. Several of my friends have built houses and they have some really good ideas. Most of these are small houses with very clever ways of using space. Also, gorgeous, simple touches. L used sea glass as handles for the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen, and pressed it into the stucco walls. A window seat that pulls out into a queen sized bed. A friend in WY has an outdoor shower--that is a treat in the summer! I also like the system of a shower without a tub or pan, just a drain in the floor. Very simple.

Finally I saw a large house on 10 acres outside of PT which is falling down. They (the people who own it) got it for a song. It needed a foundation and a roof, and that is just the beginning. Carpeting, bathroom, hideous wallpaper, no insulation, but the house has such potential. The view and the silence are to die for, too.

eHarmony, the blank slate

I'm back in Seattle now and I walked quite a way (from 21st and Union up to Broadway) for dinner, so at least I managed one of the things I am trying to make a habit of today!!

I've been a member of eHarmony for probably two years, or a bit more, at this point. It started out O.K., and was active for quite some time and then, sometime in the last year, just became a dead thing. I have nudged it firmly and it only wheezes, very unconvincingly. Maybe it is my profile, but one way or another, the men I am matched to (and it is way more people than you might think) are not interested in me. That's quite mutual, I must admit. For some reason, their matching thing seems far less discriminatory than they suggest it is. They also somehow fail to take into account upbringing and values, I think--because mine are not reflected even slightly in 99% of the matches they make for me. I really don't think it is too much to ask that I should not have to completely educate these matches and put up with the vibrations of "you are weird" because I am not like they are. I actually quit about 6 months ago, but then I got asked to communicate for the first time in probably 3 months, so I re-upped for a few months. I'm not appreciating it, though, so I think it is high time I just said no.

fog, sand and wood fires

I had forgotten what it was like to deal with wood fires all the time. I both like it and don't. Dealing with the wood is a very physical experience--from chopping it, to carrying it to putting it into the stove and adjusting it so it will burn to best advantage. I was gratified to learn I could still chop wood just fine!

It is strange being home. A different pattern, which is very comfortable in many ways, than I currently have at home. I feel more comfortable in my clothes here--they fit in more.

Being near the water is almost transcendent. It is such a presence, and I resonate with it so much. Daniel and I walked up to Memory Vault yestersday in the pouring rain, smelling the salt water, and I read the poems as the rain soaked me and puddled everywhere.

the first post

I am starting this on a whim, and shall see where it goeth...

Tonight I am in Seattle and enjoying the fog and the damp.